my past month seems so trivial, so unnecessary now. i wasted my time being upset about the ryan/jamie thing. i wasted time that needed to be spent elsewhere, worrying about the things that still matter-- my mom's cancer wasn't enough to bring me to my senses. it took the death of a friend to snap me back to reality... how sad is that?
but i have more questions than answers in this time of revelation. why? i don't understand anything. this beautiful woman that whitney was! with friends and family who loved her so much.. i don't understand what would make her feel that there was no way out... everyone is so hurt now, so helpless. whitney decided to end her own life on saturday while the rest of us slept, or, in my case, sat on the front porch with tyler fighting a hangover. while we sat, she left us forever. i just don't understand, whit. i just don't get it. why? why babe?
our little community has come back together-- corey said it best when he said that the only time we're all here at once is for a funeral. we've become each others' support systems; we've networked and come up with an information passing system. and we all cry. but we cried together. so shocked, so hurt, so confused, so lonely, but together.
coming back to seguin was hard.. almost as hard as driving home on saturday after i found out. i have wonderful friends here who listen, who hug, who sympathize... but its not the same. they don't know... how wonderful she was at encouraging everyone, how beautiful her smile was. she left behind her twin brother! how could she leave taylor? and ashley? and her parents? and vicki? everyone.. i just don't understand.
i just don't get it, whitney. why?
i never will understand.
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